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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.