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Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
Lol at birds that walk places.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!