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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.