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Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Some days Iād like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
Iām sorry I offended you with my common sense.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers