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I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."