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Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
I’m tired of things costing money.
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!