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“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.