Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.