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My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone