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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!