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I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.