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Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome