Daily Silly Status

Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?

I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))

Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.

Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.

If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently

There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"

Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list

My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.

My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.

All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.

I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"

Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.

I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.

I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.

I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.