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I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life