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Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
I never finish anyth...............
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.