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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.