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Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"