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The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.