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This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
I just awesomed all over the place.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D