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I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!