Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
My life is loosely based on a true story.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...