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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.