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This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
The fox says you need to stop.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy