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Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
Soup of the day: Beer
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...