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They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.