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"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.