Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
What do women say when they are actually fine?
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.