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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic