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I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
I’m late for a disappointment.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
The problem with diets is pizza.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.