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Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
I am the bestest at the English language...
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.