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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.