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When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.