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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.