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Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.