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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.