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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.