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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible