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If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
I’m sad when my food is over.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.