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Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers