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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.