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Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.