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You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.