Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
condoms prevent minivans
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.