Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?