Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.