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Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.