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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”