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I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.