Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.