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At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I’m forty. I have one.
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.