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How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.