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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.