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These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.