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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.