Daily Silly Status

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place

Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too

I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.

Dear liver…. Here is an advance sorry for tonight… sincerely Jimmy…

Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.

Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.

Time is precious ... waste it wisely!

My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?

When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.

If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise

Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.

If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.

Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.

I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.

I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!