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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.