Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.