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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.