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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.