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Watching someone else play a video game is like watching someone who won`t let you join in while they`re masturbating.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.