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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.