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Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Dear Santa, I was framed!
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.