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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
Gym update: not there
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)