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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.