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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
I drink to make other people interesting
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."