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Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?