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The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake