Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.