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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.