Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.