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The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.