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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams