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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.