Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.