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If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.