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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.