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Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."