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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.