Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need new swear words.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.