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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?