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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
My 5 year plan includes purchasing a Slurpee machine.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day