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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?