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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.