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If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science