Daily Silly Status

I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.

I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.

I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.

That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!

Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.

I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.

My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.

Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.

I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket

What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.

I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt

Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/

I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red