Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
I’m late for a disappointment.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.