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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
Own the day
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.