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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)