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It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.