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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.