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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.