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Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?