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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.