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i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.