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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
condoms prevent minivans
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.