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Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.