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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
is a mystery you´ll never solve
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.