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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
I wish I could veto MY bills.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.