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Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
I only accept apologies in cash.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.