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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.